It was this kind of study that strengthened and matured me. More than my philosophy and religion classes, more than my theology course in seminary, the kitchen table fellowship is what rooted and grounded me as a growing Christian. We bantered back and forth discussing and debating our newly gained knowledge and love of God and the scriptures. I can still remember the little pieces of paper he would write study questions on. We’ve had many couples report back that the questions created great discussions at home.I began my journey as a new Christian, when my friend Rufus Smith discipled me as a new believer. We also suggest that the couples talk through the questions on their own. We follow the questions in the report and use those as a guide. If we find that most of the couples are struggling in a certain area, we will spend a great deal of time asking questions and generating discussion about those concepts. We do use the couple insight reports to plan what questions that we want to ask. We leave it up to the couple to decide what to share. That wouldn’t be creating a safe environment. We NEVER reveal a couple’s answers to the group. The customized insight in the report allows us to focus the discussion on the areas of greatest need. If you are using our online material, you will receive a couple report for each of the sessions. Tip 5: Leverage the Couple Insight Reports I aim most of our questions to helping people with the tough stuff. My experience is that the happy couples can make the struggling couples stay quiet. I’ll say that I don’t know where this group is at, but I want everyone to find value in the course, I am particularly interested in those that are struggling. I explain the three types of couples that we’ve met. When I know that there are couples with different levels of marriage satisfaction, I acknowledge it. We have had couples that have already hired lawyers and have already negotiated their divorce.Īfter that poor experience with the mixed group, I changed my approach. One of them may have already decided they want a divorce and coming to a class is a way to prove to someone else that they tried. Last chance couples – Some couples come because this is the last chance before a divorce.The couple may not agree that there are problems. Correction, it may be that one person thinks that they have issues. Couples with rising problems – Some couples come because they know that they have issues.They are investing in their relationship. Date night couples – Some couples are there because it’s like a date night.I suspect that there was a couple there that was really struggling, but they never opened up. The pre-married and newly married couples were very optimistic. It was made up of a mixture of pre-married couples, newly married couples and couples that had been married for up to seven years. A small group that had already been meeting as a bible study for a while asked us to come in and lead the group using our online material. This is a group where couples come with different levels of marriage satisfaction. One of the toughest groups to lead is a mixed group. Tip 4: Admit Different Couples are In Different Spots We can more easily heal when we are honest about it. We want people to be real and get healed. Many people are embarrassed, ashamed or feel that they are failing. Most marriages go through a challenging time. This is a big point that I’ll explain to the group. They need to decide to change for themselves. When we hear someone confess to a big sin we say, “Thanks for being open.” In a previous post, I talked about what safety looks like. What type of reactions would you like someone to have if you are going to share something? This means that, as leaders, we need to be safe people. Talking about marriage issues in an honest way is a rare thing. We’ll talk about how valuable it is to have a place to talk about your struggles. We spend a lot of time emphasizing safety. I’ll usually go around the group and look for an assent. In fact, we require that they commit to this. One of the first things that we do is ask the group to keep what is shared confidential. You might want to check out my post on 5 Tips to Promote Your Marriage Education. Here are 5 tips on leading a marriage small group. You can have an impact on people’s lives and a small group is a great way to do it. This same comment was echoed by other couples in the group. But, they had made significant progress in rebuilding their relationship. Was everything in their marriage perfect? Of course not. That same couple had been very discouraged just a few weeks before. At the last meeting one of the couples turned to us with a sincere expression and said, “Thank you so much. My wife and I just finished leading our second marriage small group this year.
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